Just a random question:

Does anyone have any idea how fucking ANNOYING it is to have an impeccable memory? When I say an impeccable memory, I'm not talking about the standard above-average memory, but the frighteningly photographic memory. I can remember sights, sounds, smells, and words from twenty years ago. How things tasted. Music that was on the radio when certain things happened. The smell of the weather. I can remember how the crickets and cicadas sounded as I lay in bed at around age 8. I can remember how the humidity felt on my forehead.

Not only is it annoying, it's damaging as well. If you ever date me (which, you should pray you don't, HAHA) you will see that I remember EVERYTHING that you ever said or did to me. This is damaging because I cannot (and I mean physically CANNOT) forget anything. Anything, ever. And when I get pissed off, memories come back. And then I act on those memories AGAIN, which is completely unfair. But let's face it folks, I never claimed to be sane. Fair enough?

Ok...so maybe it's not so bad. It can also be awesome. Like, thinking about vacations, kisses from certain people, movies, summers as a kid, etc. I can relive those, quite easily.

The brain is fucking powerful. Scary powerful. When I dream, I can feel things. For instance, I dreamed of a large plane crash a few blocks away a couple years back. I could smell the jet fuel in my dream, and feel the heat from the burning wreckage. Weirddddd.

So, yeah. Just some random thoughts. As you were! (smooches)

These are four things I couldn't go one single day without using/wearing. Well, except the cigarettes. I can go a few days without smoking and it doesn't bother me.

Know what sounds really, really cool, and fun? Besides making out with Stuart, of course.

To flop down on the couch and watch Alfred Hitchcock movies all day long. Add a little guacamole and corn chips, and you're all set! Maybe even some Rolling Rock beer. Fuckin' right!

Anyway - my older sister (and my closest) and I always write down these questions to ask each other and spend hours on the phone answering them. It's fun. So I figured I'd post some of the questions and I am formally inviting you all to answer them. Ready? Awesome!

1. If you could erase a year from your life and memory (a la "Eternal Sunshine"), which one would it be, and why?

2. What are three super romantic songs?

3. If you were president/prime minister, would law would you immediately abolish, and which one would you immediately put into effect?

4. In your last breath, what would you want whispered in your ear?

5. Is there a song that makes you cry? If so, which one?

6. What's the worst insult you've ever received?

7. Would you bite a chunk out of your arm for $5,000? (lol.)

Have fun, looking forward to your answers!

xo

BLACK FRIDAY

Don't ask me why, but I get an intense natural high from imagining working on a crab boat in the Bering Sea.

I know, I know..."the most dangerous job in the world, 1/1000th of a chance being rescued if you fall overboard" etc. etc.

But it sounds like so much fucking FUN, and COOL!

So if I run off and become the newest and coolest crew member on "Deadliest Catch," keep in touch.

P.S. If Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey can't make it...who the hell CAN? How sad. My faith in relationships has gone downhill, at least temporarily.

Unfortunately, last night, I found myself flipping through the channels and settling on "Growing Up Gotti" on A&E. I just have a few points to make:

1. I am embarassed for those Gotti kids.
2. I am embarassed for Victoria Gotti's uberplastic face. And how she claims her long, blonde hair is natural, even though she's 100% Italian and like 50.
3. Please don't think all American teenagers act like Carmine, Frank, and John Gotti Jr.

I was disgusted. See, they went to Rome, on vacation and to learn about their heritage, but all the boys wanted to do was chase girls. They were bored out of their skulls as they were looking at these sites. They were walking past the Coliseum (sp) and didn't even notice it. Ugh.

Anywho, am anxiously awaiting tomorrow's In The Attic. I doubt I'll be able to chat, though, Molly. Work doesn't like us to do stuff like that. But we'll see.

Hello dolls,

I'm not sure where the black cloud came from, but it sure as shit planted itself right over me around Wednesday of last week, and was unrelenting until last night. Not sure if any of you deal with bouts of depression like I do, but if you do, you understand. If you don't, well, just imagine someone pulls the happy plug right out of your back, and there's nothing you can do about it.

So, I say, thank you all for being so kind, and posting well wishes and love. Although I haven't met you personally you've been kinder than those around me. And I won't forget it. So - when the day comes when we have our Universal Rachel get-together, everyone gets a Bacardi on me. SMOOCHES!!

Talked to Stuee for a long time yesterday via cell. He's SO MUCH FUN! SP rocks my universe.

Read Mikey's Indonesian journal and was very, very envious of the crystal blue water and white sand, not so envious of him getting caught in the tide, SO fucking glad he made it out.

Will see SP play on Wednesday at 1pm, I wait with baited breath. Yummmmm..

Holy fuck, I just posted something new on "Unsent" and I'm really really trying not to bawl.

This day SUCKS!

I'm at a very confused/relieved/scared crossroads in my life right now.

I'm afraid I can't be much of an inspiration in the days to come. I'm so sorry.

But never fear; I've overcome much harsher and harrowing conditions. I will be back, with a vengeance.

For your listening pleasure, I've created an audioblogging account, and I will try to update it everyday with witty comments, opinions, or my thoughts.

This is getting fun!

You know, I just had a wonderful conversation with a gentleman we'll call "SP." He knows who he is. He is very funny, and cute, and...well, I think I need to get to know him more.

So here's to you, Stuee....errrr...."SP!"

This one's for Mikey.

You fucking rock, screw Pierre, and have a beer!!

You are so loved!!

I'm contemplating starting a new blog called "Unsent." This blog would be a collection of unsent letters and feelings toward everyone I have any kind of feelings for, but don't exactly feel comfortable talking to them about certain things.

What do you guys think?

What I wouldn't give for a few days of peace, quiet, tranquility, solitude.

My car broke down yesterday and it was pretty scary for me. I guess I should be thankful that I even have a car when so many people don't have transportation.

I performed a large act of kindness yesterday and it made me feel good.

All I can say is that I will never settle for someone who doesn't see the bright light in me, and I will never accept someone who takes me for granted.