Hello dolls,
I'm not sure where the black cloud came from, but it sure as shit planted itself right over me around Wednesday of last week, and was unrelenting until last night. Not sure if any of you deal with bouts of depression like I do, but if you do, you understand. If you don't, well, just imagine someone pulls the happy plug right out of your back, and there's nothing you can do about it.
So, I say, thank you all for being so kind, and posting well wishes and love. Although I haven't met you personally you've been kinder than those around me. And I won't forget it. So - when the day comes when we have our Universal Rachel get-together, everyone gets a Bacardi on me. SMOOCHES!!
Talked to Stuee for a long time yesterday via cell. He's SO MUCH FUN! SP rocks my universe.
Read Mikey's Indonesian journal and was very, very envious of the crystal blue water and white sand, not so envious of him getting caught in the tide, SO fucking glad he made it out.
Will see SP play on Wednesday at 1pm, I wait with baited breath. Yummmmm..
I'm not sure where the black cloud came from, but it sure as shit planted itself right over me around Wednesday of last week, and was unrelenting until last night. Not sure if any of you deal with bouts of depression like I do, but if you do, you understand. If you don't, well, just imagine someone pulls the happy plug right out of your back, and there's nothing you can do about it.
So, I say, thank you all for being so kind, and posting well wishes and love. Although I haven't met you personally you've been kinder than those around me. And I won't forget it. So - when the day comes when we have our Universal Rachel get-together, everyone gets a Bacardi on me. SMOOCHES!!
Talked to Stuee for a long time yesterday via cell. He's SO MUCH FUN! SP rocks my universe.
Read Mikey's Indonesian journal and was very, very envious of the crystal blue water and white sand, not so envious of him getting caught in the tide, SO fucking glad he made it out.
Will see SP play on Wednesday at 1pm, I wait with baited breath. Yummmmm..
posted by Model citizen @ 8:42 AM
7 Comments:
At 9:42 AM,
musicmikey said…
Thankyou so much Jessica, it was very touch and go at the time, I'm glad your feeling better now, I do understand, as my mood fluctuates, I think its in the stars, or something. Have a great week, and thankyou for posting.
mikey
At 10:18 AM,
Janey said…
Glad you are feeling better ... it's such a feeling of helplessness when you can't get yourself out of those funks.
Hmmm .... talked to Stuee last night ... got out of the funk last night .... is there any relation to those two events? ;)
At 11:03 AM,
Nabonidus said…
Hi Jessica,
glad you are back with us -and I do
undertsand about the depression, ugh.
I've envied bi-polar people, as horrible as it sounds. They get to have a really "up" period before crashing and burning. I just get the burn.:(
I'm glad you managed to fight it.
Heh, although talking with Stuee helped, I'm sure! That's so cool!
And I'm glad that Stuee is that kind of friend to you, you deserve some good in your life,dammit!lol
xoxoLisa
At 11:26 AM,
Model citizen said…
Lisa, I understand what you mean about bipolar vs. non...my ups are fucking fantastic, wonderful adrenaline bursts and lots of laughter and my face hurts from smiling so much. These can last a few hours. During my lows I wonder what the future holds, and my face feels like it's made of granite.
It's kind of frightening, but, the only times I ever feel 100% carefree and "happy" for extended periods of time is when I'm intoxicated. Does this make me an addict? Maybe - but I rarely drink. So who the hell knows.
I've known people that are happy like that all day long, day after day, and I wonder why I got the shit end of the stick. Or, maybe they're just pretending. I think it might be the latter.
Every person I've ever gotten to know on a personal level who seems happy all the time is masking serious pain.
I read somewhere the other day something that really stuck in my brain, something like "we are not all the beautiful individual unique snowflakes that we're taught we are." I believe that statement is true.
You know what they say,
"We all came over on different ships, but we're all in the same boat."
At 3:02 PM,
Nabonidus said…
I hear everything you are saying,
I've thought the exact same things!
I understand about the bi-polar thing because I went through some grief counseling last year.The death, and breakups all at the same time...Anyway, 3 people in the group were bi-polar, and they told me that it's rad, profoundly awesome. Intense
creativity, all of that. Better than any drugs, they said.And I was kind of
jealous and horrified at the same time.Horrified that I was jealous,for one.
But if there's one thing I've learned it's that everyone uses something to deal with pain, mask pain. Even the people that seem happiest. They might be Jesus fanatics. Everyone uses something. Junkies use heroin, fanatics use God, heavy people use food. Gamblers
use gambling, pervs use sex. I could
go on and on. Alcoholics.Everyone uses something.
My point:look at people with any kind of addiction you want, and you'll find a tragic, sad story of some sort there. I'm getting really sad just thinking about it. :(
Hurts me to think of the pain we all go through. And yet you notice it unites us all as human beings.It unites our souls.
Sorry for going on too long!But I really feel connected to you as a person.:)
xoxoLisa
At 12:40 AM,
Karel said…
Hi Jessica,
Glad to know you're feeling better and I'm happy that you're back. =D
I totally understand what you're going through. I get so moody and crappy sometimes, I can't even stand talking to my mom during those times. She's a bazzillion miles away! I should be happy everytime I get a call from her. I really feel sorry for her. I'm a bad son sometimes.
Anyway, I think its so awesome that you actually talk to Stuee over the phone. ;)
Sweet dreams,
Karel
At 6:15 AM,
Model citizen said…
hugs @ Lisa, and Karel, we're all bad kids sometimes. We're human.
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