You know, I was reading Seth's blog (an absolute fluke, someone posted it somewhere) and he really got me thinking about the past and memories and such. I dug up an old photo that reminds me of a time in my life when everything was safe, warm, and happy.

This particular photo was taken on the Missouri River, in Council Bluffs, Iowa, in 1998. My boyfriend at the time took it. I was freezing cold so he gave me his old ugly flannel shirt to cover up with. I was very, very happy with him then. Unfortunately the day was gray, misty, and chilly...but that didn't keep my spirits down, at all.

We bought a roll of black and white film and took some shots...and here is one we came up with.

I really really need to get to the bookstore soon. My stash is running harrowingly low.

And...

lately I've just been watching people. Like when I'm in the elevator and a stranger is standing in front of me, and I can see their profile. I wonder what people think as they're walking around.

It would be very interesting to step inside another body for a day...just to see how earth looks from a different brain. Maybe blue wouldn't be so blue in their eyes. I wonder what it would feel like to have a severe mental illness. I wonder how an orgasm feels for a man.

As you can see I wonder a lot.

So. I am 28 years old today. Where the hell has time gone? I don't plan on any sort of celebration. And everyone is asking me what I'd like for my birthday. I wish it were as simple as perfume or a CD. What I'd like is peace of mind.

So last night we had 70mph winds and a few tornadoes touched down a mile or so from our house. I took the kids to the basement (in the pitch black dark) and we all sat in a circle, holding hands, and we prayed. It was very, very frightening but what was really neat - I kept it together and was strong for the kids, and they weren't so scared when they saw that I would save them from any danger. And when I saw that they placed 100% trust in me and my abilities, I lost my fear.

And that was an awesome feeling.

So, we just received thousands of more refugees yesterday from East Africa. I don't get it. I seriously don't get it. We trail only behind FLORIDA and CALIFORNIA. There is no room for these people. I just don't get it. I don't get it! Not to mention this state is so far in debt...600,000 people are on medical assistance...that is the population of Milwaukee, WI.

There is a girl in my daughter's third grade class who cannot speak English. The teacher has to explain to her, in Spanish, the lessons AFTER she teaches the whole other class in English.

This is getting way out of hand.

UGH. I just spent a half hour writing this really long entry and then when I tried to add a photo, it froze up. So I'll recap:

Basically I listed the last ten birthdays I've had and how I celebrated them. It was surprisingly nauseating and melancholy.

18th birthday - I was going to tech school and lived in a dorm in Pine Ridge, South Dakota. Quite possibly the neatest landscape I've ever seen. I've never forgotten the Black Hills to this day. Also, I took pride in buying packs and packs of cigarettes.

19th birthday - I was living by myself in a shitty apartment in south Minneapolis and as much as I walked around at night, it's a wonder I didn't get raped and mutilated.

20th birthday - Gabriela was five days old and I wasn't in any mood to party. I think I went to Perkins for dinner, and my dad took me to Fat Tuesdays for a daquiri, and they didn't card me, surprisingly.

21st birthday - I was married (I hate remembering this) and we spent the morning screaming at each other and he left me alone all day long. I called in sick and just cried all day. We separated three weeks later and the divorce was final in June the following year.

22nd birthday - Some internet acquaintances brought me some pizza and beer and we hung out.

23rd birthday - I was 9 months' pregnant with Chris and not in the mood to party, obviously.

24th birthday - Me and my friends went to Chi Chi's (a Mexican restaurant/bar) and got piss drunk, sang karaoke, and at the end of the night I tried fighting with these two guys who called my friend ugly. Yes, fist fight. The cops were called, etc.

25th birthday - Woke up at 7am, having gone to bed at 4am from drinking all night. I didn't even shower or brush my teeth. I bet I smelled and looked just GREAT. I even had to take my driver's license photo that day. Ugh.

26th birthday - Got some money to buy some clothes and hung out with the kids.

27th birthday - Got a crisp $100 bill and my hair done at a nice salon.

So you're reading all this, and are probably wondering the same thing I am...where the FUCK is the excitement in my life? Where is the prince that will wisk me away to Bucharest, London, or Auckland?

I'm such a ray of fucking sunshine, aren't I?

Your Fortune Is

A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

The joy of shopping, seriously. I compare it to a nice buzz from Percocet or three glasses of wine.

Last night we went to Burlington Coat Factory (don't laugh), and walked around for over an hour. I tried on fur coats, wool coats, peacoats, ski jackets, and leather jackets. Let's just say...it fucking rocked.

Unfortunately I found the section for the bedding. I found some 400tc sheets that I want, that almost shimmer. I also found some pillows - well scratch that, a whole damn bed set - that remind me of a Middle Eastern theme that I love so much.

This weekend I will be childless and I do believe it's time to get out, flirt, have some booze, and dance some of this weight off.