Describe, in detail, your worst date ever. I will post mine later on today when I don't have as much work to do.

Remember...honesty is the best policy, be as vulgar and forward as you please!

**********Here it is! It's kind of long, but I like to write...so, deal.

It was a bitter cold December evening in 1999 and my best friend and I went to First Avenue in downtown Minneapolis for Salsa night. I should have known something was wrong when we had to stand outside in 10 degree weather for two hours, and to top it off I was wearing knee high boots, a mini, and some stupid sweater, and a leather jacket, trying to look all hot and shit. I should have turned and ran home.

The first half of the night sucked. All the guys were either dancing with someone, or just being wallflowers. My best friend was always approached by men, whenever we went out. So she had a steady stream of guys asking her to dance all night. I was just leaning on the rail looking down into the dance pit, with about 5 Caronas in me by that time. I was bored. And starting to get a bass/beer/smoke headache.

As I was heading to the bathroom, I had to squeeze through this big crowd at the bar. As I was cutting through someone grabbed my arm. I looked up, stunned. There was this stunningly handsome man that was about 6'5". Now I'm a tall woman, so that was the first thing I noticed. He smiled at me and said something along the lines of "where do you think you're going?" Anyway, to make a long story short, we danced all night long, and around closing time I gave my car keys to my best friend and told her to go ahead and take my car home. I wasn't ready to end the night with Mr. Handsome just yet.

Now. I was...22 at the time, not TOTALLY naive but not the wisest. I figured we would go back to his place, have a few drinks, laugh, get to know each other. So, we leave the bar, and catch a taxi back to his apartment. I can only imagine what that cab driver thought of me. Some incredibly stupid drunken blonde whispering to this very experienced man happened to be smirking, now that I remember it! The prick!

We get to his apartment, and I remember thinking "wow, this place is really fucking small." Not that I lived in a mansion, but this joint was like a studio apartment. We step inside, and this is where it all happened.

The door closes behind me, and this guy strips. Naked. Yes. All the way naked. At the door! He says "I hope you don't mind, I like being naked in my house. Feel free to get naked if you want." I just stood there stunned as I watched his naked ass walk away. I remember thinking to myself that this could be a potentially dangerous situation. So I sat on the couch wondering how I could leave.

He walks into his bathroom and, with the door open, urinates, and FARTS loudly. Like three times. I just covered my face and was like "what the FUCK man?" He walks back into the living room and plops down next to me and tries to lift my shirt. I was so freaked out. I politely said 'no, sorry, no sorry' and moved his hands away. So he says "alright, well I'm hungry. Want something to eat?" I politely declined again.

He gets up, and starts making macaroni and fucking cheese! And then he farts AGAIN. I stand up and look at all the photos on his TV and walls...and say to him "Oh, this woman is pretty, is this your sister?" He says "no, it's my wife." Um...yeah. Waiter! Check please.

He finishes making his food and comes and sits next to me, and I don't know about you, but sitting on a stranger's couch with his balls visible and eating like a pig doesn't do it for me. I was so nauseated. I said 'well, I feel kind of sick, and I'd like to lay down, can I please lay on your couch?' I would have called my best friend but this fucker didn't even have a PHONE! He says "let's go to my bedroom." I said "Ok, but I don't feel so well." Which should have translated into "don't touch me, I find you repulsive."

So he takes me into this teeny room and I climb, with all my clothing on, into his bed, and move all the way to the edge with my back to him. He makes a grab for me and says "take your clothes off." I said "no thanks, I don't feel well." He says "Oh come on, come here." I said "no!! I'm going to be sick." Then he SHOVES me away and says "What the fuck did you expect to happen? Do you think you're someone special? This isn't a fucking fairy tale, get the fuck out of my house."

I scramble out of his apartment and walked all the way home. Brina, Britta Ruth, Elaine...that would be from Lake Calhoun all the way to East Bloomington. My purse was in my car that my best friend took, and I didn't have a dime to my name. December. 4:00am. Maybe 5 degrees out.

That fucking SUCKED!